I moved to just out side a major city about a year ago. I began dating on-line soon after. I have met many nice guys on-line, I have met these nice guys in person only to learn that they had been body snatched and instead of the nice guy I had talked to there was some awkward looking, socially inept, sex crazed man!boy who had apparently never met/talked to a woman before.
Last week I started talking to a guy (we'll call him Fiasco) through a dating site. He seemed sweet, we were compatible, he was open minded, I was open minded, he wanted to meet, and I was willing to do so.
Fiasco had gained a fair bit of weight since the posted picture had been taken but was losing the weight (dishonest but forgivable), had terrible teeth (going to the gym, unfortunately, won't fix that), was obsessed with tits, had never seen The Godfather (unforgivable), nor did he get any of my nerd references (how had I missed that?). I, occasionally, like to pretend I am not a shallow person. I decided to give the guy a second chance, many of my friends encouraged me to look beyond my personal preferences in regard to physical appearance and give the guy a chance; I intended to do just that. He messaged me immediately upon arriving home (his parent's home where he lives while studying for the bar and not working - why was I going on a second date?). He informed me two of the movies/shows I had suggested he watch weren't available on Netflix or Hulu. I told him to watch Boondock Saints (only because he's from Boston and had never seen the movie). He then messaged me twice through the dating site, messaged me twice on g-chat, texted me twice, and e-mailed me twice, in 3 days.
The second e-mail was why I canceled the date.
In the body of the message he told me he wanted me to look over something he had written since meeting me. He signed the message "Yours, Fiasco" I found this creepy and weird but opened the attachment. He had written a short little smut piece. Staring Me (not even changing my name) and himself, as his female alter-ego. Some history on his female self, his sister and I share a name. She was named after a character from a book (a great book; his mother's favorite book) and in order to get back at his mother for not accepting that he was bi he took this name (in abbreviation) and made it his name for when he's in drag. It is one letter off from what he called me. This made for an awkward read, especially knowing he was essentially writing a story where (S)He was topping me. With his sister's name.
I was, at this point, about 3 words into the fiasco and awkward. I shut the document and did a this-is-awkward-dance and told about half my female friends the situation. And canceled the second date. I then went to bed.
In the morning I opened my e-mail and there it was, glaring at me, I decided to give it a shot. It was disjointed, awkward, terribly confusing due to the similarities in name, poor pronoun agreement, and apparently he had no sense of grammar/punctuation. He knew I was an English major, he should have known I was going to go English major on it.
I finished the page long smut-fest, that involved my head getting shaved, and various other awkward acts that didn't really fly in the world of sexy. I sent it to 4 of my closest friends, luckily, they're still speaking to me. My roommate's response was, "He's going to make a suit out of you."
People, I warn you. (S)He may seem nice, seem compatible in a lot of ways, but may still go home and write awkward porn about you and send it to you. If (s)he does, please, send your story to me. To clarify, don't send the porn in (although, I'd appreciate the laugh), just send a story of the awkwardness the date, the person, and your reaction to being written into a smutty story.
This blog is to give us a place to laugh at the hilarity of it. I rightly could be freaked out and feel violated. Instead, I chose to laugh. I chose to point and laugh and tell my friends because it's the best way to deal with it. And then I decided to start a blog, and continue going on dates, appreciating the crazy ones as well as the good ones.
My next post will not be about a date, but about a chat with a woman who revealed consensual incest from her teenage years.
